u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
