as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize