who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
