high people should be assigned attendants
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize