Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
