I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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