thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
