We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
