I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
