Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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