I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize