um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
