Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
