Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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