My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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