Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just puked most of my soul out..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
