Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
