Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
