Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
