he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
