Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
