So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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