She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
