Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
