evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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