he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
as a side note pls kill me
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
