Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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