i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
