I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
