erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize