is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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