I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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