Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize