and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When are your genitals available?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
