doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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