its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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