dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
