this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
