I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We are all done wearing pants today
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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