and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
