I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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