Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
