I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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