Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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