I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize