I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
