I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
