At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
