this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
