My hair reeks of homosexuality.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
