from now on my penis is your penis
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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