i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
