I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
