Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
