I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
