after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
