I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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