there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
