Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
