Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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