Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize