she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
