The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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