i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
