i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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