it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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