Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
