Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
