i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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