Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
