So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
