He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
