Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
