i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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