we have pet lesbian snakes
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
