I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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