Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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