Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
