So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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